I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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