I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
