It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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