I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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