my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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