I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
