one two three fourrrrnication!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
