Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we're making bets on your personal life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
