I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
PANTIES FOUND
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