mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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