dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
