I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
