weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize