I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
