Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
