I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
