I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
