everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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