I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
