woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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