ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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