it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
