I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
