I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
