hotel room ftw
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
