Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
