I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
