ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
