It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That accounts for only three of the penises
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
