When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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