I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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