I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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