peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why do cheetos always look like penises
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
