why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
