I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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