You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
