I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
