if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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