id be glad to
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
