Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
