I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
