Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
