We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
