Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
