dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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