i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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