:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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