Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
