We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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