Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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