got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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