ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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