I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
