Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize