Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
