Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
