drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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