You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
