You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
