Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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