we have pet lesbian snakes
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
