My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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