when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
