I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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